And so when the rains came down and gutted my sandy fundamentalist foundations, the house crumbled.
And I lost.
My entire purpose for living was bound up in fundamentalism. I was taught that God created me for a specific purpose, gave me talents to use for His glory, and had a plan for my life. But when my belief crumbled, God is imaginary, hence everything I was taught became pointless. Religion is irrelevant to me because it isn’t real.
And not being real, meant that I had based my belief system, my core identity, and my purpose on a sand hill of lies. Now my hill is gone. What is my purpose for living? I’m not part of a bigger force, nor am I a ‘Christian soldier’ fighting for God anymore.
I am lost. My rational brain finally pulled me out of the Alice in Wonderland hole of fundamentalism and I find myself standing on a new planet that I had been told my entire life that I was not a part of. And now, I am not a part of Christianity any longer, but am looking for an inspiring, over-arching purpose to energize me, to make me want to wake up and get out of bed every morning.
What about pursuing pleasure? That is pretty empty. Making lot’s of money? Well, I haven’t done that yet, but in sales, it’s all about making money, and I personally find that to be far less than fulfilling. In fact, it’s a rather mind-numbing exercise that starves me intellectually.
My soul needs fulfillment and purpose in working to achieve something of helpful, meaningful value to others. I need a good exciting challenge to build and create in freedom!
And when I discover that, perhaps I will once again have a passion to live, achieve, and create value in myself and in others.
Fundamentalism hijacked my right to choose, to think and decide for myself what I like and want to do. It assigned a purpose to my life, that was arbitrary. And it buried me under an active avalanche of rules, constant anger, fear, isolationist mentality, and moral arrogance. It tried to explain and connect every situation in my life with a false narrative that overlaid everything.
Now I need to rebirth myself and part of that will be finding a new purpose and passion to live!